Amazing Grace

By Jessica Gilliland

   My name is Jessica Gilliland, and I am 30 years old. I was baptized a Catholic when I was about three years old; however, my parents weren't very active in the Church, so my upbringing was only dotted with Church attendance. I never had a real relationship with God, Jesus Christ or the Virgin Mary. So, as a teenager, I began dabbling in the occult –  using  the ouji board with friends at sleep-overs, and later reading tarot for friends and myself. I had this constant void in my heart that I was desperately trying to fill, although I didn't realize it at the time.

   To me, organized religion was fake – just some people trying to tell other people how to live and what to believe – .like the blind leading the blind. I believed in what I called "a higher being," but I believed that everyone could believe in whatever they wanted, however they wanted.
   When I met my husband, Andrew, in October of 2001, I had no idea what was in store for me. He and his family were devout Catholics. Because of our differences, we (I) would argue and have heated discussions about religion. Little did I know he and his mom (and I'm sure others) were praying and fighting for my soul.
   I had friends who were called witches, warlocks and who ran magic bookstores. I had mischievous "spirits" (that I thought were harmless) attached to me. I practiced tarot, what I called white magic, ouji on occasion, read many books on the spirit world, and performed spells for myself and others – .all new age stuff that I didn't realize was new age.  On occasion, after many months and fights, I would attend Mass with my husband. Since I didn't completely understand, and I kind of believed a little of what I knew of as far as what the Church believed, I began to call myself a “Catholic witch.”
   In 2002, my "mischievous, harmless spirits" began to get out of hand (making doors breathe, and nagging me – giving me uneasy feelings). So, one night, Andrew said the exorcism prayer to St. Michael, and he told me he felt the biggest evil he'd ever known run through him. He described it as, "I don't know what that was, but it was BAD; it flew through me from the floor and out the top of my head…it's gone.” Then it seemed to feel better in our home.  But, it didn't last, and I, myself, became possessed.

   I left my husband in 2003, and had a couple affairs, the longest which lasted for about seven months. I was drinking myself into a stupor.  I don't remember much of this time, or the many conversations I had with my husband. We were trying to work things out. I didn't want to end up divorced like my parents, and I loved Andrew, even though I wasn't nice to him and didn't deserve him at all. In one of our talks, Andrew told me that I asked him to promise me his soul, regarding always being there for me, and said I had an awful snide look on my face. He of course said, “No,” and when I asked why not, he said it wasn't his to promise me. After that, he said that I became very displeased, but it just made him pray harder. (I also have a picture from this time.  I was looking in the bathroom mirror, and the picture was taken from behind me. The scariest part is that the reflection isn't mine!)
   In 2005, Andrew gave me an ultimatum of sorts. He doesn't remember the words he used to speak to me, but I do.  I am convinced it was the Holy Spirit telling me that I was to make my final decision. It was the TRUTH, regarding who I was, and what I was doing, and how I was treating him and others. Paraphrasing, I was in danger of losing myself completely to th evil one.  I was to break off the affair(s); stop going to the bookstores and gatherings with the people associated with magic, and others with whom I would associate when drinking; go to marriage counseling; and go back to Church. If I did not agree, then we were to get a divorce.

   So, something stirred in me. This was the beginning of my conversion.  I attempted to enroll in RCIA, but didn't follow through, and the void became worse...unbearable. But I continued going to counseling, and was diagnosed bipolar, and started medication. I didn't realize that, much of the time, I was being attacked by the bad one in many forms. Then the attacks got worse and, after a few months of these attacks, I realized I had to get to Church. I had to give God a chance to help me.
   It was August, 2006, when I finally enrolled in RCIA at The Church of the Resurrection and, in November, our marriage was convalidated. My Mom (in-law) had started saving for her second trip to Medjugorje, and sharing her conversion story with me during this time. Through many prayers, it was Andrew, his mom, and I who were being called to take the pilgrimage. In April of 2007, I received all of my Sacraments, and three days later we were in Medjugorje! .
   Upon arriving, I felt a peace as I'd never known.  I experienced such love, and witnessed many miracles while on pilgrimage. I realized that the Blessed Mother had been calling to me for a long time, and that I had received many blessings throughout my life (usually when I was at my worst). I went to Medjugorje for three reasons: one, the Holy Mother called me to go; two, to thank God for loving me and sending my husband to me (without him and his family, I'm sure I'd not be alive today); and three, to ask for Holy Mother’s intercession for a child. I'd also been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome during all of this, and had a son out of high school who passed away after a car accident (whole other story). I was told by doctors I would have little to no chance of further children and, in five years of marriage, there was no sign of ever being able to conceive.
   My conversion began before our pilgrimage, but my heart was completely filled the next to last day of our trip. It was Divine Mercy week when we arrived, and, so, the Monday after Divine Mercy Sunday, we went to hear Father Jozo speak at Siroki Brijeg. He spoke of many amazing things, but the one part that most struck us was when he said something to the effect of, "We have all had many graces poured out on us yesterday, and how blessed are we...if you do nothing else while on this pilgrimage, go to Reconciliation before you leave Medjugorje. Don't go home with the baggage you came with –  otherwise, what is the point of the pilgrimage?  You have to be an active participant, in order to hear the Lord’s call, and to be able to live Our Lady's messages back home."

   After this, Andrew looked at me and his mom, and said, "That's it –  WE are going to confession!" When we got back to Medjugorje, we did go, and I don't remember Father’s name, but I think he was from Scotland.  As I explained briefly all that I had witnessed since being in Medjugorje, I asked about taking it all back home. I was worried that I would forget it all, or not be able to live the messages, once back in the States. He looked at me, and said, "It is human to have these worries, because we are constantly striving to be divine, but we never can be, because we are made in God’s image and we will always be human. Continue working towards it and be aware of the things that make us human." As I was leaving, he shook my hand and said, "Go – be happy and full of joy. You're OK, Jessica, and welcome aboard." Now many may read that, or hear it, and find it insignificant, but here's where the miracle lies – I wasn't wearing my name badge that day, and my name wasn't anywhere on my bag and I hadn't told him that I had just received my Sacraments a few days before. I also didn't know this priest!!!
   You see this Sacrament, Reconciliation, is truly Christ speaking to you, and you reconciling with Him and our Father! This moment was my TRUE conversion, and it took place in Medjugorje, and I was there because of Holy Mother! This moment was Jesus talking directly to me through His beloved priest,  letting me know that I was OK, and I was worthy to Him. I've never since had any doubt of where my soul belongs;  I've never doubted the true power of prayer, of the graces given by God freely to all of us, especially through the Sacraments.
   I'm as human as the next person, and make mistakes here and there; but I now realize how easy the deceit from the evil one is to fall into, and how it’s just as easy to turn back to God, to trust fully in the Blessed Mother that She leads us to Her Son, and that, even if I was the only one ever in the whole human race to ever have been created, Jesus still would've offered Himself up on the Cross for my Salvation, and that His Holy Mother would've been there guiding me to Him!           

    Medjugorje holds a dear place in my heart, not only for this grace, but also, for the grace of becoming a mother myself! Hadrien Thomas Gilliland was conceived shortly after we went home, during Mary's month of May!  I am grateful to Medjugorje also for opening my family up to truly living the best we can, by God’s Will, and not our own. My husband, Andrew, recognized a possible vocation to the diaconate while on this pilgrimage, and is currently in formation!  I came back home and became a CCD teacher of first graders, and the following year of the Special Sacraments classes. Andrew and I lector and are Extraordinary Ministers of the Eucharist. I continue to work with RCIA and other projects as they come up.  

   So many blessings, so many fruits come from this village halfway around the world from us, and we are blessed to have been there. Thank you for calling us, Blessed Virgin Mary!!!
   To those reading these words, please keep us in prayer, as we do you!  Peace and Love in Christ.

Editor’s note: Jessica is from Mesa, Az.

Prayer to Defeat the Work of Satan

The following prayer is from a popular little prayer booklet called,”The Pieta Prayer Book”:

O Divine Eternal Father, in union with Your Divine Son and the Holy Spirit, and through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, I beg You to destroy the power of Your greatest enemy – the evil spirits.

I Do Love You!

The following was transcribed with permission from the website of Fr. Neil Buchlein, www.blessedmotherschildren.com.

Fr. Neil has been to Medjugorje many times, and his writings have been featured numerous times in this newsletter.

This is Fr. Neil’s explanation about the miracle that happened at his church on the feast of the Epiphany, January 2, 2011.

   The picture you are looking at is that of a purificator.  The purificator was used yesterday at 8:30 in the morning, and I used it to wipe the cup that I had received the Blood of Christ from.  After receiving the Blood of Christ, I went and gave the Body of Christ to the Extraordinary Ministers of the Eucharist, of which there were five, and then came back to the altar and brought each of them a cup filled with the Precious Blood and presented it to them, and then to the person who was going to be distributing the Body of Christ. I came down and brought back the original paten. 

   But after I had distributed the cups with the Precious Blood, I came back and I was caught by the purificator and noticed what was on it – the heart.  And I was trying to recall if I saw that after I put the purificator down. What had I done differently?  How had I wiped the cup, because certainly there is no Precious Blood on the outside of the cup? And the only thing that I could think about was that this indeed was a gift from the Lord for myself, as well as for the parish.  And why do I say that?  Because if you listen to my homily (on the feast of the Epiphany, January 2), I had a different homily planned, but the Spirit of the Lord directed me in a way of challenging the people to do something regarding their faith to become prayer warriors as we begin this new year.

  There was a campaign going on (a campaign that was going to end today [Jan. 3]); voting was going to take place today – and that was with the company Pepsico, who owns Pepsi, Frito Lay, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, and Kentucky Fried Chicken. Every year for Superbowl, they have a contest where you can submit a 30-second video. Of course, there are rules, but, of course, you have to use a Pepsi product or a Frito Lay product.

   Well, perhaps you have heard about it, even seen it on YouTube – a commercial was done, and the scene was where a priest (I call him a priest because he was wearing a black clerical shirt with a white collar) was in a church and was distributing Doritos for Communion, and the associate pastor and another minister were distributing little cups of Pepsi. Well, I had preached on that and said how blasphemous it was, and how dare someone take something that was so sacred to us and demean it, and use it for junkfood.  I said, “Well, if that’s the case, maybe we should just stop Mass and  bring out Doritos and Pepsi.  Maybe I should go into the Adoration Chapel and remove the Body of Christ and just put a big Dorito chip in the monstrance.” I asked them, “How many of you would be calling the Bishop tomorrow morning, or even today?”

   I felt on fire. I felt totally alive, and I felt that this was a thank you from the Lord. And so, before I distributed Communion to the congregation, I stopped and I said, “I’ve never had this happen in all of my years of priesthood.  I’m going to show it to you right now. I’m sure you should be able to see something, and it doesn’t matter what you think.  I’m just going to show it to you, and you decide what you’re seeing.  You decide what it means. You don’t need to believe.”

Don’t Put Me Down the Sewer”

By June Klins

   When I saw Fr. Neil’s miracle, it reminded me of a true story told by the late Fr. Tony Capozzelli, who was the spiritual director of our Medjugorje prayer group.  Fr. Tony had some amazing charisms, among them, the gifts of healing and reading souls in Confession. Another gift he had was the gift of prophesy.   Father told us that after Communion one time, the prophesy through him was, “Don’t put Me down the sewer.”  Father did not understand what that meant. The Lord repeated this message. Father was still puzzled, but repeated it to the people attending the Mass.  

   Later, Father got a call from a woman who heard the prophesy. She was crying, because she knew that the prophesy was directed to her. She said that she had been washing Father’s altar linens for him in the washing machine, without first rinsing them and pouring the water into the sacrarium (a special sink found in the sacristy of Catholic churches, in which the drain opens into a pipe that bypasses the sewer and runs straight down into the earth). Traces of the Precious Blood that were on the linens were going down the sewer via the washing machine.

A Kiss from Heaven at Lourdes

By Barbara Kaurin

  Once upon a time, about 22 years ago, I was on a catamaran in Hawaii with several people from around America.  A woman from Idaho was sitting next to me, and as we were flying through the water with rainbows all around us from the spray of the incredible blue water, we were discussing how blessed we were to be there. We started talking about our families and lives.  I'm a peacock when it comes to my family...I love all of them more than they will ever know, but tragedy had hit my heart. I told this lady my heart was broken.  She looked at me and smiled, and said, "Whenever I have a problem or a need, I turn to the Blessed Virgin Mary.”  My reply was, "Who?"   I was a Protestant.  I loved God up on His throne, but I never dreamed He really knew me, much less that He actually was crazy about me. That lady from Idaho pulled out a little book from her purse called "Seed Money in Action," and there, on the back page, she showed me a picture of Our Lady of Medjugorje in an apparition at Mount Krizevac in Medjugorje with pilgrims around Her on their knees praying.  Well, through the grace of God, from the second I saw that picture, I was given the undeserved grace to know without a doubt that it was true, and my heart and soul soared to Heaven in thanksgiving.  I have been a slave of Mary from that instant to this.  God did something to me...He changed me. 

   Our Lady gently took me to Her Son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit filled me with the desire to be a saint by making me keenly aware of the slightest sins. I went to Medugorje and stood in the English line for hours to go to confession, and when it was finally my turn, I was so grateful, I said to the priest "I'm so sorry for all my sins. Please ask God to forgive me!"  and, of course,  he knew instantly I was not a Catholic, and he said, "My child I cannot give you absolution, but I can give you a blessing."  I was so happy!  I cried, and said, "I'll take anything I can get!"  and I meant it.  

   In 1994, I led a group of pilgrims to Fatima, Lourdes, and Garabandal. During this pilgrimage, I was amazed at the lack of what I thought should be!   I had told the group not to bring huge amounts of luggage, and gave them several considerations to be comfortable and safe on our journey.  I was very disappointed as the pilgrimage began, when some middle- aged women on our trip complained constantly, and talked and interrupted the priest as he led us in prayer. 

   I became annoyed at the lack of consideration in general – especially I became annoyed with the ladies who came on the pilgrimage with huge amounts of luggage, expecting to be waited on. The poor bus driver could barely get himself around, never mind lift their heavy luggage each day and night from the bus into the lifts in the so- called hotels where we stayed  in Europe. Most of the men on the trip were ready to go to Heaven!  

    I really was filling up with anger and resentment, instead of joy and excitement, being in such holy places.  I prayed constantly for patience, but I really wanted to ask some of these women to leave our pilgrimage and go home.  They were spoiling everything for everybody with their selfishness. 

    The day we were in Lourdes, it was cold and raining and the wind was blowing.   Lourdes was filled with people from everywhere, including many handicapped children from surrounding countries.  The lines into the healing baths were incredibly long.  My group waited about three hours in the cold rain to go into the baths.  I prayed for strength, and asked Our Lady to please forgive me – for I sure didn't feel holy or any of the pleasant emotions one would hope to feel there.  

    I apologized in my heart for my lack of patience, and complained to Our Lady that I could barely move, from the cold and freezing rain.  My bones and muscles ached; I certainly was out of sorts, to put it mildly. And then my turn came to go into the healing baths!  I looked at the volunteers who help and guide the pilgrims, and my heart went out to them – .what fortitude!  Anyway, one of them guided me behind a curtain and said to me, "Put on this, and leave your things on the bench." Well, I am very shy, and had no intention of disrobing.  So I put the granny gown over my clothes, and took off my shoes and socks, and proceeded to go towards the pool of water.  Immediately I wanted to turn around and run away – I did not like the smell, nor did I want to walk into that dark water. What if I caught a disease or some rash? All these negative thoughts frightened me, and I began to turn around to leave. Just then, two of the volunteers took my arms and guided me down the steps into the cold dark smelly water and said to me, "Tell the Blessed Mother what you want, and give Her a kiss if you like." 

    There was a statue of Our Lady of Lourdes on the other side of the pool of dark cold water.  I thought, “Hmmm...if I go over to Her I might have to put my head in this dirty dark water...maybe it is too deep to just casually walk to Her.”  So I was deciding to throw Her a kiss.  The volunteers must have read my thoughts, because they guided me over to Her.  Again, one of them said to me, "Tell the Blessed Mother what you want."  The tears began to run down my face, and I said, "I pray for my precious family, and ask for all of us to get to Heaven."  Then I turned around and walked towards the steps to leave, and as I walked up the steps, the water was so heavy because I had all my clothes on!!!  

    The water was dripping, and I was so ashamed of myself for not trusting. I remember saying to Our Lady, "Forgive me, Mother, for not liking this..." I didn't feel anything like I thought I should. Then, as I stepped out of the water onto the landing, INSTANTLY I FELT A WARM PRESENCE COME OVER ME, AND I WAS DRY AND FELT LIKE A 16 YEAR- OLD GIRL AGAIN, WITHOUT ANY PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL PAIN.  I FELT A SACRED PRESENCE OVERWHELM ME – .A FEELING OF JOY BEYOND DESCRIPTION, .AND PHYSICAL COMFORT LIKE I HAD JUST HAD AN OIL MASSAGE.  I FELT VELVETY WARM, AND I SMELLED SOMETHING LIKE A SOFT POWDERY FRAGRANCE ALL OVER ME. 

    I RAN OUT OF THE BATHS LAUGHING AND SKIPPING, and telling everybody how wonderful it was, and how much I thanked Our Lady of Lourdes for putting up with my nonsense!  

   Oh how wonderful our Heavenly Mother is, and how blessed I am to have been there and experienced such a sweet kiss from our Heavenly Mother.  I have loved Her and honored Her every day since I found Her on that catamaran in Hawaii.  And this is one little kiss from Heaven I am telling you about.  I have received so many signal graces from Our Lady throughout the years. She never leaves me alone. 

   Our Lady has never brought attention to Herself;  rather She gently led me to Her Son Jesus, and as I was enveloped in the Holy Spirit, Jesus led me to the Father, where I received the fullness of Truth.  I became a Roman Catholic after returning from Medjugorje 20 years ago.  I have been blessed all these years to be at daily Holy Mass receiving the King of Kings wherever I have been in the world.  I worship and adore our Eucharistic Lord Jesus and meditate each day on His life through the Holy Rosary, no matter where I am. So, you see, even though I am living in this world, I live Heaven on earth!  I will forever praise and thank Our Lady Queen of Peace for responding to my call.    

Vicka is Back!

By Sr. Emmanuel

   Vicka is back! After almost two years out of sight because of her bad health, we were so happy to see her again these last days, beaming with joy, and hear her share Our Lady’s messages from her staircase. In fact, the pilgrims present for the Feast of the Immaculate Conception (Dec. 8) were able to meet her and also profit from her blessing.

   Vicka was not idle during her long absence! The physical and moral sufferings she endured were offered for each one of us with enthusiasm. The Gospa told her once in the 80s, “Rare are the people who have understood the great value of suffering, when it is offered to Jesus!”  Sometimes Vicka expresses beautiful insights: “Suffering cannot be explained. Suffering may only be lived in one’s own heart. When the Lord gives us suffering, a cross, it is truly a great gift that he gives us. We often think, ‘How can illness be a gift?’ But it is a great gift! Only God knows why He makes that gift, and He alone knows why He takes it away at a particular time. But we are free to decide: am I ready to accept this gift?”

   There are different kinds of sufferings: there is the suffering given by God, and the suffering that we create ourselves. They do not have the same value.

   Vicka reiterated: “When you smile in spite of pain, it is because you accepted it, and you belong entirely to God. Later on, you no longer notice the pain, but feel joy. Since you suffer with joy, there is no more tension. But this joy does not come from outside; it comes from inside of you, from your heart. I feel such strong joy that I want to do more for the Blessed Mother!”

        St. Leopold Mandic

   St. Leopold Mandic  is the patron saint of this newsletter this year, as we told you last issue. We hope to feature a quote or something about him throughout this year. In a little booklet about him from his shrine in Padua, Italy, we learned that St. Leopold’s body is incorrupt (meaning it has not decomposed). We also learned that St. Leopold’s thin, arthritic, but

incorrupt hand is conserved and venerated in a reliquary in Padua. His hand is in a position of blessing and absolving,

because he spent much of his priestly life in the confessional. He is known as “The Saint of Reconciliation.”

Pope John Paul II and Medjugorje

  January 2, 2011 Message to Mirjana

“Dear children! Today I call you to unity in Jesus, my Son. My Motherly Heart prays that you may comprehend that you are God’s family. Through the spiritual freedom of will, which the Heavenly Father has given you, you are called to become cognizant of the truth, the good or the evil. May prayer and fasting open your hearts and help you to discover the Heavenly Father through my Son. In discovering the Father, your life will be directed to carrying out of God’s will and the realization of God’s family, in the way that my Son desires. I will not leave you alone on this path. Thank you.” 

Medjugorje Billboards

   In our March, 2009 issue, I challenged everyone in an article titled “What Shall I Do?”  Since that time, more people have come forth to help us with our mailing, to distribute the newsletters, to send gift subscriptions to others, and to do other things to spread Our Lady’s messages. Our Lady thanks you for responding to the call!

   In that same issue, we had a picture of a beautiful Medjugorje billboard that subscriber Vicky Kaduck had put up in Florida.  Walt Weber, one of our subscribers from Buffalo, New York, was able to see Vicky’s billboard last year when he was in Florida. He was so moved by the billboard, that when he came home, he investigated the possibility of having similar billboards put up in the Buffalo area.  Walt called in December to say that he was blessed to have been able to have not one, but four, billboards of Our Lady of Medjugorje, put up in the Buffalo area in December!